Beenish K. Email & Phone Number

On 22nd Oct 2012, my late sister, Aniqa Baji, died. My sister was the love of my life, & her death has been my greatest sorrow.Baji was my guide in life.  Her death started a period for me that can only be defined as feeling completely lost. Until something happened in the December of 2020.I was in Pakistan & would visit Baji's grave. I was concerned that it could be stolen. Grave stealing is a common phenomenon here, & the only way to protect it is to visit it regularly. Public graveyards in Pakistan are male spaces, women rarely visit them, & their safety can be an issue. So when I'd visit, I'd hire one of the laborer kids there, for company.The child would clean & water the grave, & then wait for me to pay him for his services, so he could leave. But I won't pay him immediately; I needed him to stay for security. I'd be annoyed b/c. no privacy. But I'd also feel guilty about holding onto the child's small fee, for my own reasons.On one such visit, once again the kid had cleaned the grave. He was looking at me, & I was looking at him. Both of us were quiet & unsure of what to do next. Full of guilt, I held my head in my hands & thought, okay, I'm at Aniqa Baji's grave, if she were here, what would she have done? The answer came stunningly quickly & clearly: She would have talked to the kid. She'd have asked them silly questions & laughed at their silly answers. She was always full of stories about the kids she had met. I decided to imitate her.I started talking to the kids about their lives. I asked them silly questions, & they gave silly answers. & in the quietness of the graveyard, I had the most important realization of my life: I can do this. I can engage children b/c. I've seen Aniqa Baji do that. There's something powerful in knowing that one of your own has already done something. It belongs to you. It's now yours to take & run away with.After 8 years of feeling completely lost, I had found my way: engage with children. And it's not lost on me that it happened right by Baji's grave. Today, we teach these laborer kids. Baji always cared about kids' well-being, and it's as if she has sent this project my way with a yellow sticky attached. It reads, "Needs your personal attention." And I try to give the project all my attention, just the way Aniqa Baji gave me her attention when I was a kid.After Aniqa Baji, I had been but a lost child. The laborer kids have brought me back to standing with my sister. I don't want to leave Baji's side ever again. I don't want to be lost again.

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