Resident And Staff
New Hampshire, United States
I enrolled myself into this year long residential treatment program as a young adult struggling with anorexia/bulimia. The program was based on working in an agricultural, community setting, as a peer mentee. At the time I blamed all my problems on food, but I realized quickly that my real problems were suicidal ideation, codependent relationships and depression. I was shocked to discover that my addiction to food was a symptom and not the cause of my behaviors. It took me many months of mentoring and research to learn that my root issues were lack of connection and lack of self worth. I graduated the program feeling hopeful that I could enter back into society as a well adjusted adult, but after a few months of going back to the environment I grew up in, I found myself going back to my old coping behaviors. Nothing had changed in my household, and I struggled to use tools I had learned in the past year with peers who were also seeking inner healing. I asked to return to the program as a resident for another year of being a mentee, but instead was offered a position as staff offering supervision to the residents on work crew assignments. This was not a mentor position so I agreed. That year I was able to attend support groups with the other work crew staff members, and I experienced stronger connections, more awareness of my own need for healthy relationships, deeper self worth, and more compassion for others. This resulted in true healing and freedom. I began to understand that I was not so much addicted to food as I was to certain thought patterns. This led me to abuse food instead of use it to nourish my body and build friendships. Once I began to get my focus off of destructive thoughts and onto what was going on around me, I gained confidence and was able to function as the person I wanted to be when I returned to my home town in rural Maine. I had discovered the goal was to be able to truly love others and myself, and not just to be free of addiction.
