Successful in driving revenue through the floor, reducing overall profitability by 27% resulting in significant down sizing and redundancy. Redesigned professional services structure, adopting divisional silo's and promoting regional focus to avoid collaboration and stifle innovation. Also cancelled all social and team building activities, reduced holiday quota and abolished Christmas resulting in decreased morale and increased stress.

Delivered nothing, but was able to speak professionally about several ideas I came up with in the pub, which I couldn't really be bothered to actually implement. Increased my Facebook browsing capability efficiency by 57% and discovered how to use the Google Voice search function. Successfully distributed confidential client data to the wider market resulting in several court cases and ultimately a large compensation pay out to the stakeholders affected.

This was actually a dream I had a while ago; never actually worked at M&C, however in my dream I was Head of Self Congratulation and Speaking Loudly. Was able to gain traction very quickly in a loud, self congratulatory environment, enabling the business to pat itself on the back 27.5% more than previously.