Growing the crappiest homegrown ghanja, since I can’t make any money scamming orphanages anymore I’ve moved into the homegrown weed business. Since my first smoke on dried banana skins back in the 70’s along with sniffing my mums pants and my sisters bike seat. I’ve always enjoyed a good buzz , be it through narcotics, scamming or being a general creep I felt my addictions growing . Now in The Thai jungle in my mcfurher bunker I can indulge in cannabis cultivation. With the help of my husband Trevor and his laundry baskets I’ve started to grow my own shitty skunk. I’ll confess now I know nothing about it, but I do know about the pleasure of meth addiction and sucking on my trevors engorged spam javelin! Which has unfortunately caused my anus to prolapse so I’m trying to raise funds to fix my Cadbury’s canal by scamming people with my shit weed! You’ve no risk of intoxication of it as I’m only growing Male plants , they remind me of trev . Sometimes if I’m lucky trev even lets me watch him and uncle lom making the beast with two backs and grateful savour the tastes of thyme both from the bed sheets!

After stealing several million baht I was chased out of Pattaya, luckily with my Iranian Revolutionary guard as security I fled Pattaya with my ill gotten gains and my half a kilogram of meth. I tried hiding in hua hin, but due to my Facebook boasting I was tracked down again. As a final hiding place I built a monstrosity of a cow shed to hide away in, places deep in the boonies. My beautiful lady boy partner suggested using uncle lom to build it. He was as big a scammer as myself and conned me out of my stolen booty! I told trevor my partner it was unacceptable and after Trevor pounded my shame cave dry with his 10 inch mamba and leaving my asshole like a half eaten pomegranate. Trevor got some more builders to finish it to a high German spec. Trevor was so happy with the house that he destroyed my shame cave until my asshole prostated leaving me unable to control my bowels. We then knowing that a cow shed needed a swimming pool sadly after being conned by uncle lom I could only afford a cheap pond liner and some shitty bathroom tiles around it.

Using the money I’ve stolen fromMy charity drive I’ve decided to build my transexual partner a beautiful house with swimming pool, doors missing in the design and a special room for Trevor to carry on his private massage treatments and a room for my pc and my see through didgeridoo so I can smoke meth and become more amazing on Facebook!

In my true moment of genius , I mcflaptard founded the Facebook page pattaya 24/7. With over 50,000 paid for Pakistani members . I used my page to find raise and steal millions from orphans whilst slowing growing my brand and also robbing orphans funds , a group named Pattaya 365 exposed my theft and I had to run away .

I started off as a humble postman but little did I know that the lead singer of iron maiden would meet me delivering mail and little did I know I would be the man to boost his band to stardom despite us never actually meeting!After that I decided to build a City called Pattaya whilst smoking meth just for common losers to meet whores! Then after that enormous miracle I decided to crate the colossal Facebook page Pattaya 24/7 to help share the beauty of the city with 52,000 Pakistan and Indians .I personally set up and raised over 2.5 million baht the the last Xmas period alone and I kept over a million baht through suspect accounting to pay for my methamphetamine addict and to pay for my transsexual partner to build our own house together in isan called mcflappy towers.

I lived my life to the full delivering post by day and at night doing pr and advertising for iron maiden !

After going to journalism collage for retards and at the young age of only 16 I was head hunted by keerrang magazine after they seen my sterling work in the school newspaper . I only attended collage for one day but they knew I was the man for the job. I spent the next few years being shouted at whilst getting reall journalists their lunch orders and making coffee for them. On a really good day I would also have the honour of cleaning the skid marks out of the toilet pans.