“Hi, can you help me with my relationship? My boyfriend lives in Utah and I live in Maryland.”“Ooh, sorry, I can’t. The problem is that the law says a therapist has to be licensed in the state where the client is sitting. I’m only licensed in Maryland, so I can’t be a therapist for your boyfriend so long as he’s physically in Michigan...”I had variations of this conversation WAY too many times. I was fed up with it. Not only could I not help these multi-state couples and families who were reaching out, I couldn’t even suggest someone who could. There are no directories where you can search for someone licensed in both Iowa & Texas (in the case of family situations it could be 3 or 4 states!). I had to turn them away without even offering any potential solutions. It was so lame.Then I hit my limit. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t turn away people who needed help, people who I COULD help, because of laws that are 20 years behind the times. The solution: I became a coach.Coaches don’t have licensing laws to deal with. Many therapists have turned coach for exactly this reason. Of course, you can’t just call yourself a coach and do therapy anyway. But when it comes to marriage & relationships, the difference between coaching & therapy can be hard to define. (One distinction might be that coaches don’t dive into the psychological underpinnings of why you are the way you are, examine your attachment history, etc. Coaches are usually focused on making change for the future. But the truth is, that’s mostly my focus when I do “therapy” or “counseling” anyway – people who come to me aren’t usually looking for insight into why things are the way they are; they’re looking for their relationship to be better!)I wanted to be 100% aboveboard with this. So I did a relationship coaching program, got a certificate, started a new company, and here we are today. Now I can help a lot more people in need.Heck, that’s why I got into this profession in the first place.

I’m an accidental business owner.I never expected to be one. I went to social work school. I was going to be a therapist or school counselor or something like that. You know, help people, be selfless, change the world and all that.When I moved to Baltimore in 2014, I hung up a shingle and started seeing a few clients here and there. I mean, sure, I created an LLC, but that’s not really owning a BUSINESS, that’s just technical, I told myself.At the same time I was holding down a full-time job running a program for domestic violence offenders (see below), so it didn’t take too long for me to run out of available hours. But I didn’t want to turn people away. So I hired an associate, someone from my neighborhood. But that’s not a BUSINESS business, right? That’s just an informal little agreement. I got a boilerplate contract from the internet somewhere which we both signed and that was that.Well, 10 years on and numerous employees later, here we are. I do a lot more businessy things than I ever thought I would – managing the website, doing the marketing, dealing with employee issues (not my favorite part).My favorite part, actually, is still working with clients directly. The couples, families, & individuals that need help – I’m still there to help them. That’s my passion. I even still answer most of the calls & emails that come in, because I like to be able to help people right from the get-go, referring them to a someone who can offer services we don’t, or just providing some quick guidance on a difficult situation. For example, I sometimes get calls from people asking for couples counseling, but they haven’t brought it up to their partner yet and aren’t all that confident their partner will even come. I might recommend to the caller to come in individually first to explore strategies on what might work best in their specific situation.That’s why I got into the helping business. The business isn’t where it’s at for me. For me, it’s all in the helping.

I do marriage counseling. That’s my bag. I’ve got a decent reputation for it. I love the work. And there’s no question it’s much needed.But also, it’s expensive. Insurance rarely pays for it (marriage, apparently, is not a medical issue). And although I’m not the most expensive guy out there, normal rates are still out of reach for many people struggling just to make ends meet.So, once again, I launched a solution without knowing 100% what I’m doing. I created a nonprofit and raised a little money to provide low-cost counseling services for my local community. (The first and only major fundraiser I ran involved collecting used shoes and shipping them off for pennies on the dollar. To this day some people still remember me as the Shoe Guy.)There’s been a lot to learn running a nonprofit (and of course I’m still learning as I go). But man, has it been rewarding. Being able to get people the help they need and couldn’t afford – well, that’s just delicious. I wish I had the bandwidth (and skills) to do more fundraising. But hey, one step at a time, right?

Few clients are as difficult to help as those who are abusive their partners. Abuse Intervention Programs have spread across the world, offering different approaches to solving the problem. In my work as the director of the Montgomery County Abuse Intervention Program I guide our clinical staff towards helping our clients gain self-awareness and make change.Not an easy prospect.I also get to speak to a lot of the clients myself outside of the group therapy setting. Some are angry and yell. Some are slick and try to flatter, obfuscate, or weasel out of things.I try to help them anyways.Everyone we come into contact with, whether it's an abuser, a victim, a probation officer or lawyer - everyone is an opportunity for collaboration and empathy.

This was a fun side gig! I was able to use a skill I have helping job seekers edit and improve their resumes.