Following retirement from traditional health care, I spent about a decade focusing on traditional disability advocacy which only increased my cynicism. I identified this as a form of soul death and discontinued my involvement with these organizations as I could no longer make positive contributions. After two years of discernment, (for the third time in my life) I found the right supports at the Center for Action and Contemplation. Currently in the middle of my two year program with the Living School I believe the next direction will become clearer with time. Possibly writing, definitely humor. My personal experiences include:30 years as a primary care physician, student of disability systems of care, best practices, autism research, and disability advocacy. I obtained additional education regarding organizational design and innovation. My book, An Unexpected Joy, is the story of our family’s adjustment to autism. I am currently working on a series of new essay/anecdotes about our family and experiences with the adult disability systems.