As the Director of the Self-Driving not-really division, I'm responsible for maintaining the entire self-driving Tesla fleet at the garage in front of my home and directing it through very tough road conditions.The latest Model 3's FSDs are the best in the world, and I make sure the car is polished and shiny every single day before the neighbor takes their dogs out for a walk. The self-driving features are not really ready, but I take pride in showing it off anyway, in manual mode, since it cost me over $10K and I have to do something useful with it. And I also occasionally use it for grocery shopping when its not parked in the garage.

As the "Exceptional Chrome Updater", I'm responsible for making sure the Chrome update engine on my desktop is constantly running and updating to keep me and the other users of my devices secure. Not only have I managed to update and use every single Chrome version in the past, I gained 33% more efficiency since M94 by moving to a 4 week cycle instead of 6. I'm considering working on creating the equivalent of Moore's law for Chrome update frequency which will predict how fast I would be able to update Chrome over time.

As the lead Gmail bug hunter, I'm responsible for making sure that I submit feedback for every single annoying bug in Gmail. I have a deep understanding of Gmail's labeling technology, how to manage complex rules and how to setup elaborate out-of-office notifications to make it look like I'm otherwise working.Lately I've picked up a new 20% project to train Gmail's spam engine on how to really classify spam. Thanks to the enhanced training dataset I've manually curated, Gmail has been able to filter out more than a million emails per day. At 3 seconds per email, that's roughly 35 days of savings, per day.

As the Chief Movie Rater, I'm responsible for watching most of the movies on Netflix. I'm an expert at prioritizing tasks and often pull all-nighters to ensure that all movies are reviewed and rated before my friends bring it up at weekend parties. Note that Prior to joining Netflix streaming division, I had briefly interviewed with their DVD services division, but decided not to join in favor of the gratifying Blockbuster offerletter

As the Assistant top shelf reviewer, I tracked all the weekly Movie releases to ensure that each and everyone was compatible with my VHS VCR player. While this was a WFH job, I was required to visit the office every friday to pick up new work items for the week.